


One Day Robots Will Cry

by lumania



Category: Community (TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-11-04
Updated: 2014-06-13
Packaged: 2017-12-31 11:52:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,727
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1031414
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lumania/pseuds/lumania
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Abed finds himself unsure how to react to a new, scary feeling.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Abed had always been an exceptionally observant person. He noticed every facial expression, every change in posture, of tone of voice. He observed that in everyone he interacted with. He had learned with time to match certain emotions to someone’s body language. He learned to observe the signs in order to behave in an appropriate manner; a manner that wouldn’t upset or offend anyone. It was a system; it helped him to try to connect to people in a way he couldn’t conjure organically.

It was a helpful method, but far from perfect. It was dependent on his own interpretation of another person’s reaction and behavior, and it wasn’t rare for him to misunderstand the signs in front of him, and accidentally say something that affronted the person he was attempting to establish a connection to. This caused him to become increasingly frustrated, because he couldn’t understand why people couldn’t just state what they were feeling in a clear, straightforward way, like he did.

Yes, he watched and mostly understood everyone else’s expressive nuances, but he wasn’t affected by them.

He didn’t need to press his lips together to show he was angry, or raise his eyebrows to demonstrate surprise, he just said it. He understood that usually when writers used that method in fiction it was a sign of lazy writing, but how simpler would life be if everyone acted like that.

Sometimes he thought the reason he was able to state his feelings so bluntly was because he always knew exactly what he was feeling. He had heard other people say how they didn’t know what was going on their heads or how they couldn’t understand their own emotions, but that didn’t happen to him. He had a completely understanding of himself, he was always in control.

Until now.

For the first time in his life, he was experiencing sensations he couldn’t understand. His heartbeat speed increased without an obvious cause; at times he felt blood rush to his cheeks, and his hands unusually sweaty.

At first he thought maybe he was getting sick, but he soon ruled out that option. He didn’t feel sick; he didn’t feel bad at all. On the contrary – he felt a sense of overwhelming joy take over him from time to time.

All this was puzzling him, because although pleasurable, these feeling were beginning to make him frustrated. He didn’t like not knowing why he was feeling the way he did; it made him feel vulnerable. He briefly wondered if that was how everyone else felt all the time. If it was, he felt sorry for them.

So he did what he always did. He made a careful and thorough analysis of the different sensations he experienced and their respected circumstances.

His first realization was that that these changes didn’t occur at random times; there was one constant in all the occasions he had registered a difference of his usual self: a person.

 His second realization made him want to slap himself for how obvious the answer was. He was in love.

He felt his eyebrows rise in surprise he shouldn’t be feeling – he had seen and heard the times a thousand times; he should have recognized them straight away, especially in himself. He had been so wrapped up in this new feeling his deducing abilities had faltered.

In this state of astonishment, all he could do was sit quietly and think of how it was possible that a person like him had found themself in love.


	2. Chapter 2

'So, this is what it feels like.' He thought, lying in his bed, with a contemplative look in his face.

He had wondered many times what it was like to be in love. Love being such a repeated theme in all works of fiction, he had spent a considerable amount of time thinking about it. Of the many conclusions he had reached, the most important to him was that love made people irrational. Love made people trust people they shouldn't trust, love made people go to their certain deaths to save their beloved ones.

That was probably the main reason it had taken him so long to recognize the signs of himself being in love. Because above anything else, Abed was a rational person. He always considered all the possible scenarios before making a decision and acting on it. He didn't act on instinct or based on his feelings. He was practical; love wasn't.

It had never bothered him knowing he would probably feel the way the people he saw in movies did. He didn't mind never getting to experience the stolen glances and meaningful smiles. Because he had seen the other side of love, the side that wasn't googly eyes and walks on the beach. The side that was devastating, permanent heartbreak. Pure unaltered pain. He hadn't needed movies to learn about that. He only had to go as far as his father's side for a reminder of how crushing the consequences of a broken love could be. His heart had never healed after being torn the way it did. Twenty years later and there was still an open wound on his father's chest. And he saw it every time he looked at him. He didn't need to check his facial expressions to know he was still hurting. The pain had become a part of him.

So every time he saw a happy couple holding hands or sharing a milkshake, he thought that no, he didn't mind not feeling the happiness they did, because he was protected from the pain they were making themselves vulnerable to.

And now he was vulnerable. That thought sent shivers down his spine and a sense of panic shot through his body. He felt exposed, like if his armor had gotten an opening. He didn't want to be in pain! He didn't want to be like his father.

If he was being honest with himself, and he always was, the chances that that situation would lead to a happy ending were slim to none. It was like the time Joey had had a crush on Rachel. She could only him as a friend and even if they had been together for a couple of episodes, they never stood a chance. Rachel was meant to be with the leading man. Abed didn't stand a chance. He knew he was no the leading man. The thought of putting himself out there and being rejected created a lump on his throat.

He forced himself to push the thought out of his head, that wasn't something he wanted to think about. He closed his eyes and tried to get his body to relax. Taking deep, calming breaths, he allowed himself to think about the positive possible outcome his new feeling could have. He thought about nights snuggling under a blanket to a movie he would consider too sappy to watch alone; about driving to a field to have a picnic and wait until the sun sets to lie down on the grass watching the night sky. All those beautiful clichés he had never imagined himself being a part of. A smile appeared on his face at the last of the scenarios. It would be nice to have someone to look at the stars with.

When he was feeling especially overwhelmed or frustrated he would climb to the top of his apartment and stare at the starts for hours, until a feeling of serenity started to take over his body. It was something his mother used to do with him; she would hold him tight and tell him stories she made up about each constellation. When he grew older, he started making the stories with her. They were some of the happiest memories of his childhood. At the end of each one, they would rename the constellation; to make them match their stories. They were some of the happiest memories of his childhood. When she left he had to start making his own stories. He didn't have someone to share those with, they were just his. It was nice thinking he could share them with someone else; someone special. That thought made a small smile appear on his face.

Comforted by the warming scenarios in his mind, Abed opened his eyes again, realizing the tension in his muscles was gone.

Now feeling relaxed, he let his mind go back to the question of how he had found himself like that. He tried to think if there was a particular moment, a particular phrase or even look that caused his affection for one of his closest friends to be transformed into something deeper. But he soon realized that no, no single thing had made him love that person. (Love! Just thinking the word made him shiver). No single thing could make him lover her. It was all of her. It was all the moments they shared, all the looks, all the smiles.

Now thinking about it, he realized it really did make sense that it took him all that time to realize he was in love. It was because falling in love wasn't just something that happened in one moment. It took time, and building. It took him slowly get himself comfortable with her enough to let his guard down, so naturally he didn't even realized he was doing it. No one had ever gotten that out of him before. He was always too closed to let himself feel, he made sure of it. It was at the same time wonderful and terrifying thinking that someone could get past his defenses without him even noticing them. It was terrifying because that left him completely exposed, with noting to protect himself against the claws of reality. It amazing because it was her. And some part of himself he had never had contact with before told him it was ok if it was her. He didn't mind so much being vulnerable for her.

And that thought on himself sent him back to a state of gut-wrenching fear because that was just setting himself to get hurt.

His mind was in a state of chaos. He had all those feelings and thoughts and they all seemed to contradict each other and goddammit, he wasn't supposed to feel like that!

He wanted to close his eyes and forget about that whole mess and pretend nothing was changed and he was the same old emotionally unavailable, practically incapable of human emotion robot. Same old Abed.

He wanted to run, he realized, forming a slight frown of distaste. Leading men didn't run away from their problems! Maybe that was why he wasn't the leading man on his own story – he didn't act like one. He didn't even think like one. He had barely even considered that getting the girl was a real option. He couldn't just automatically accept defeat without even trying.

All that time he had been content with being a supporting character to other people stories. A lovable friend to advise his friends during their romances, a though but well intentioned mentor to their action stories, the comedic relief to their drama heavy plots. That wasn't enough anymore. If leading men got the girl, he was going to turn himself into a leading man.

Love was a powerful thing after all. If it could save the earth from certain destruction and defeat the greatest villains, it could certainly turn a pop culture nerd into a romantic lead.

He knew that if he was going to get the girl, he had to work for it. He wasn't going to hide this time. He had to face his feelings like an adult. He had to make himself into a better person. He could be the person she deserved to be with.

He reached the conclusion that the best way to start facing his feelings and stop hiding was to leave his room where he had been cooped up for the last few hours.

He hesitated before opening the door. Leaving the room meant facing her… He wasn't sure if he was ready for that yet.

He wondered if he was going to act differently around her now that he knew he was in love with her. On TV those of realizations were usually followed by inappropriate nervous laughter or awkwardness around the object of affection, maybe some light stuttering… He didn't think he was going to act like that. He didn't even think it was possible for him to feel awkward around her. Everything they did felt natural. He tried so hard with other people to read what they were feeling or thinking and they just simply didn't understand him. He never felt that way with her. Sometimes he didn't understand her, but she seemed to be ok with that, sometimes she even helped him by explaining how she was feeling or why, because he knew those things just didn't come naturally to him. And she didn't get him all the time either, but she always tried, and even if she didn't know why something was upsetting him she tried to make it better.

Her image came to his mind again, and suddenly all he wanted was to get out of his room and see her again.

It almost seemed symbolic, opening that door. It was as if he was he was leaving his safe hiding space and going to face the fears he had his entire life. Love, vulnerability, rejection…

He halfway expected some kind of dramatic music to start playing to highlight the drama of that moment.

But it didn't though, because, come on, he was just opening a door.

Annie was on the couch when he walked in and she smiled when she saw him. How had he not noticed before how pretty her smile was? How had he not realized he always wanted to see her smile; that he wanted to be the reason she smiled.

"Hi Abed! You were in there for such a long time. You must have reenacted an entire episode of Inspector Spacetime."

It took him a second to think of a way to answer that. Not that it was particularly difficult, he was just momentarily distracted by how sweet her voice sounded. He found it odd that now that he was in love with her, every little thing about her seemed to have so much more beauty to it. Maybe it had always been there and he was just now realizing it.

"Well, no. I didn't have my constable. I was just plotting my next movie." He responded. He clearly couldn't tell her the truth. Not yet, at least.

"Well Inspector, you know you always have the good ol' Constable Geneva at your disposition innit?" She said in a horrible cockney accent that made a small smile appear on Abed's face. "But I'm glad you came out, we miss you when you're travelling through space and time for too long."

Those words and the warm tone of her voice made Abed feel his heartbeat pick up a little. He sat himself by her without saying anything, looking at her briefly to share a smile. He couldn't think of anything to say at that moment, but he didn't think he had to. He just sat there, watching whatever she was watching without really paying any attention to it. He just wanted to enjoy their closeness for then.

Annie was surprised by his lack of response. There seemed to be something just slightly off about her friend, but she couldn't pinpoint it. "If you want to, we can still be in the Dreamatorium for a while before dinner. Do you feel like kicking some Blorgorn butt to work up an appetite?" she suggested.

"Oh, no thanks. I'm good now. Just being with my friend."

He didn't want to be with Geneva, he wanted to be with Annie. And for once, he didn't want to be Inspector Spacetime, he was happy just being Abed.

For a reason she didn't understand, those words made a light blush appear on her face.

"Yeah. Me too…" She smiled again.

They spent the next hour watching cartoons and talking to each other. It made Abed forget his anxiety. He didn't have to win her over right away. He had the time to do it right. Besides, he was happy like that, just enjoying being her friend.

**Author's Note:**

> I thought I'd share this story on the archive, since I already have it on another site. Enjoy.


End file.
